Link's Effect
by Bandicoot Sauce
Summary: This one's just a silly little idea I've had for a while. It's based on those old commercials for Lynx body spray.


**Link's Effect**

Kokiri Forest

"Hah! Yah! Heeyah!

Link sliced and chopped, ducked and weaved, stabbed and spun, pulling off all sorts of sword techniques. The training dummies offered no resistance, no retaliation, no… anything, really. After a short while, Link took a break from training, heading back to his house. He was surprised to find a small cardboard box at the base of the tree where his house stood.

"Huh?" The Hero of Time bent down to pick it up. The package was unmarked. There was no solid indication that it was for him. Intrigued, the twelve year-old took it with him as he climbed up the ladder into his treehouse. Once inside, the young Hylian sat on the edge of his bed and carefully opened the box, wondering if the address might be included inside.

Link reached into the box and pulled out a cylindrical black container. He had never seen anything like it. There were markings on it in a language that wasn't Hylian. It was a language Link couldn't understand:

_LYNX_

Link turned the container over in his hand. There were more markings on the back, but they were just as unintelligible to him. He looked down at the box to see a note at the bottom, hastily written on a torn piece of parchment.

"This must be where to deliver it to." the hero mused aloud, producing the note from the box. Much to his relief, the note was written in Hylian, but it's words were not what the boy had expected:

_To whoever finds this, spray liberally all over your being. You won't be disappointed._

"Spray?" Link repeated, puzzled. He looked at the container. It looked as though the top could be twisted. Cautiously, he did just that and the top lowered to reveal a hidden nozzle and some sort of trigger. Turning the device so the nozzle faced away from him, Link pressed down on the trigger and sprayed a little mist into the air. It smelt odd, but not bad. A warm, spicy aroma that the hero had never encountered before.

"Hmm. Smells okay." Link said with a shrug. "Kind of exotic, though. Wonder what it does."

Deciding to trust the advice of the note, Link began to spray himself with the black container. He then stood up, waiting for something to happen.

Nothing did.

"It doesn't seem to do anything!" Link declared, a little annoyed. "It just made me smell all strange. Ah, maybe it'll wash off. At least it doesn't smell bad."

He then glanced over at the bedside table, on which the Ocarina of Time rested. He gasped.

"Oh, Deku nuts! I'm supposed to meet Saria at the Sacred Forest Meadow!" he cried. He hastily stuffed the black container back into the box and then grabbed his ocarina, the Kokiri Sword, his Deku shield and hurried out the door, leaving the box open on his bed in plain sight.

* * *

Sacred Forest Meadow

Saria sat patiently on her favourite tree stump, waiting anxiously for her childhood friend to show up. He should've been here by now.

"I hope he hasn't gotten into trouble." the green-haired girl said to herself. She then sighed sadly. "Maybe he just forgot."

"Saria!"

Relief flowed through Saria as she saw Link emerge at the top of the stairs leading into the Sacred Forest Meadow. He looked out of breath, as though he had ran to get here.

"I was starting to worry that you wouldn't make it." Saria said, smiling at him.

"Nonsense. I always have time for my friends." Link assured her, walking over, getting out his ocarina. "So, do you think we should work on the duet or…?"

Anything else Link might have said went right over Saria's head, for as soon as Link was standing close to her, she began to notice a strange fragrance. It was like nothing she'd ever smelt, and it seemed to be coming from Link. The scent went up Saria's nose and straight to her brain, attacking her common sense, blocking it out more and more, but Saria didn't care. She had suddenly decided that common sense was super lame…

"Uh, Saria?" Link said from what seemed like miles away, his voice catching Saria's attention. "Are you alright?" the hero went on. Saria didn't answer. She stood up slowly and took a step towards Link, leaning towards his chest and inhaling deeply, taking in more of that scent. Oh, that scent! So alluring, so ensnaring, oh so very wonderful… It had Saria in its clutches and she loved every second of it. And it was definitely emanating from Link. It smelt amazing. _He_ smelt amazing…

"Bom chicka wah wah."

Link blinked. "Saria?"

"Bom chicka wah wah!" Saria said a little louder. She started swaying her hips back and forth, never taking her eyes off of Link. "Bom chicka wah wah! Bom chicka, bom chicka, bom chicka chicka chicka WAH WAH!"

"Saria, are you okay?" Link asked worriedly, alarmed by Saria's… performance. Yes, that was probably the best word to describe it. He took a step back nervously, but Saria stepped after him and, before Link could react, the forest girl had wrapped her arms around his waist and was staring lovingly into his blue eyes.

"I've never felt better in my life, Link." Saria said in a soft, seductive tone. "With you here, I couldn't feel any better if I tried." She again inhaled the scent coming from Link's chest and purred like a tiger. "Link, you smell wonderful." she said dreamily. "I absolutely love how you smell. I love everythng about you."

Link was at a loss for words. _'Yikes. What brought _that_ on?'_ he thought to himself.

"Kiss me."

Link's eyes widened. "What?!"

"Kiss me, Link. I want your lips. I want all of you. I want it all to be mine forever. I love you."

Link didn't even get a chance to respond to that. Saria suddenly slammed her lips against his, kissing him so forcefully that the pair of them ended up falling over. Link tried to get up, but Saria still had her lips locked gainst his. It was only when the girl was desperate for air that she finally broke away, giving Link but a moment to catch his breath before Sara kissed him again. And again. And again. And again. On the lips. On his left cheek. On his right cheek. On his forehead. On practically every part of his neck. She left no stone unturned on her quest to press her lips against a confused and terrified Link. The hero wanted to push her off, wanted to shove her aside, wanted to smack her in the face to try and bring her out of it, but he couldn't. He could never raise a hand to any girl, let alone his childhood friend.

"Saria, stop!" he pleaded. "STOP! This is crazy! I can't possibly smell _that_ good! I… I…" he trailed off, turning pale as he thought of the black spray container back at his house. It was now painfully clear what it was supposed to do for a person.

Saria then stood up, leaving Link sprawled on the ground, mortified. She then started to sway her hips again, almost like a belly dancer. She even pulled her shirt up partway so Link could see her belly button. She placed her hand on her hips and continued to behave in this manner, Link waiting with freaked out anticipation to see what she would try next.

"Bom chicka wah wah." Saria said again, sounding far more seductive than before. She then, as sensually as possible, removed one of her boots, followed by the white sock on her foot, leaving her left foot bare. She then started to remove the other boot, still chanting "Bom chicka wah wah" over and over, practically singing it. With a thrill of horror, Link realised that Saria was starting to do a strip tease!

"Wait, Saria, don't!" he pleaded, leaping up and placing his hands on her shoulders. There was no way he could let Saria continue. What if she kept going until she was naked? And if she did, what then? Link didn't want to find out, and in any case, he couldn't let his best friend expose herself to him. He'd never forgive himself. "Please! You don't have to do that or me! Here." He pulled Saria into a hug. "Rest your head on my chest." he told her. "Just relax."

And so Link sat down with Saria resting her head against him, sighing admiringly. At a loss for what to do, Link began to gently stroke her hair. Saria tried to bury her head in his chest, taking in more of the fragrance.

"I must be in heaven, 'cause you smell like it." the girl said, reaching up to stroke the boy's chin. Link just nodded dismissively, still wide-eyed and worried. What was he going to do? Saria wasn't herself. The spray had bewitched her. What if she was like this forever?

_'Maybe it'll wear off.'_ he thought hopefully. _'Sooner or later, the fragrance should fade away, and Saria's lust along with it. Perhaps.'_

As it turned out, Link was right. Night eventually fell, bringing with it a cold, misty air. Crickets began to chirp and a few nocturnal birds cawed into the night. The fragrance had already begun to fade slightly, becoming less strong over the course of the day, but now that this cold, damp mist was settling in, it was overshadowing the accursed cologne and therefore making its hold over Saria dissipate. One moment, she was still huddled against Link, relaxed, happy and content. Then-

"Link?" Saria exclaimed, letting out a loud gasp. "Oh, my gosh! What…? Oh, no! Link, I am so, so sorry!" she cried desperately, letting go of the hero and recoiling, ashamed of herself. "I don't know what came over me! There was this scent that seemed to be coming from you. It was like nothing I'd ever…" She gulped. "One whiff and I just lost my head! Link, please don't hate me." she pleaded, tears forming in her eyes. "Please…"

Link placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, Saria. I know it wasn't your fault." he said gently. He then explained all about finding the cardboard box outside his house, about the mysterious container within, the note with the strange advice and how he had sprayed himself liberally with the substance.

"A formula that makes someone greatly more appealing to the opposite sex?" Saria asked when he had finished. "That could be dangerous in the wrong hands."

"I know. That's why I'm burying the box and all of its contents first thing in the morning." Link declared. He then smiled gently at Saria. "For what it's worth, if I had to go through a crazy experience like that with a girl, I'm glad it was you, Saria."

Saria sniffed. "Really?" she asked.

Link nodded, pulling her into a hug.

* * *

Kokiri Forest (Mido's house)

"Mido, what is that you've got there?" Fado asked curiously.

Mido turned the black spray container over in his hand. "It's something I found while snooping around Link's house. I don't know what it is, but judging by the note I found with it, it sounds important." He passed the note to Fado so she could read it.

"'Spray liberally all over your being'?" she repeated, sounding cautious. "I don't know, Mido. We don't know what it is or what it does. Maybe we should just put it back where you found it."

"It says on the note that I won't regret it." Mido reminded her, spraying himself with the container. "Dear Gods!" he exclaimed. "Could it _be_ anymore exotic? Still, maybe Saria might like it. Girls like exotic smelling stuff, right, Fado?"

Fado didn't answer. She had just caught the scent of the body spray and was looking at Mido in a whole new light.

"Fado?"

"Bom chicka wah wah!" she cried, leaping at Mido and tackling him to the floor.

**The End? (Yeah, probably)**

**Yeah, I know. Totally nutty, right? At least there was a joke in the title. Think about it: Lynx Effect = Link's Effect. Get it? Yeah, of course you did.**

**You know something? Link doesn't even need Lynx to get the girls. You know I'm right. Until next time… Bom chicka wah wah!**


End file.
